CORPORATE TRANSCRIPTS: BIRDS

A possibly completely accurate transcript of a boardroom conversation at an unnamed car manufacturer in the early to mid 50s:

A SUBSERVIENT BUT EAGER PEON: How about a hawk, sir? A majestic, soaring hawk?

CEO: No.

ANOTHER ALSO SUBSERVIENT BUT 20-30% MORE EAGER PEON: Sir? Maybe a graceful heron? With its beautiful wingspan, it -

CEO: No.

THE FIRST PEON, AGAIN: Eagle?

CEO: No.

THE SECOND PEON, HOPEFUL: Andean condor?

CEO: No. We need something that’s -

SPITEFUL INTERN NEPHEW OF CEO: How about a french fry stealing, disease-carrying dumpster scavenger?

CEO: Pardon me, Cody?

CODY, SPITEFUL INTERN NEPHEW OF CEO: A gull.

CEO: Gull? Gull, gull, gull. Gullwing. Gullwing doors! That’s it!

THE FIRST PEON: But -

CEO: I love it. Nice work everybody.